Crouching woman hidden cucumber...?

Hello folks – hope you are all not suffering too much from the effects of last weekend.. Time to fix up and look sharp as another one is here!! Lots on my mind this week – lots of pondering.  I tried to come up with a “witty” joke about disease riddled Spanish cucumbers (in case there are any Spanish lawyers reading this – can I state this has been proved not true and I am not accusing you of having manky veg) & you lot washing your fruit & veg properly but I don’t have one…. Maybe I should just “pith” off now then…? (sorry best I can do.. yes.. yes.. I know.. I know…)

Swedish House Mafia.. AKA CUNTS

Tell you what though, I am so exhausted thinking about it and my “rant gland” has been so rinsed this week over this that I will keep it brief.  WTF WTF WTF?! POT! KETTLE! Could’ve sworn Pharrell from N.E.R.D was on their last track!!! Can someone PLEASE find them (they have a gig at Alexandra Palace so I believe soon) get them in a box with Guetta, Bob Sinclar and all those other bastards that have sold out & given our 4/4 beat to vocoder R&B acts in the States, nail up said box, cement over it, tie weights to it, get in a nice fast boat, drive as far into the ocean as you can and bail it over the side… Job done.  I cannot comment on this anymore as I will be here all night.  Funnily said article has now “disappeared” from the Star’s site…  Maybe they weren’t expecting the online backlash – maybe it was a PR stunt or maybe just maybe they don’t know they are a bunch of fucking douche bags who make shit music and are raping house music themselves.. I wonder? Either way hurrah for the internet as the internet is written in pen – here is the article itself big up to Spencer Parker for describing this as the definition of irony… Massive Lolzzzz

La Factoria 243 (Especial 20 Años de Trayectoria Wally Lopez) Bloque 2 by wallylopez

K / D – KUBICLE HOUSE PARTY – RICHY AHMED by K/D KEEP IT DEEP

MixSet @ DorionMtl 2011-04-10 by AudioFly

Animal Vegetable Minimal by smileatnyle
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This week we have tickets and MORE to give away this week from:

Rhythmatic presents Cavo Paradiso with Rhadoo, Petre Inspirescu at TBA:

Cavo Paradiso, the afterparty only venue turned world-renowned club is largely known for a gloriously diverse seasonal event schedule, with everyone from Sander Van Doorn to Ricardo Vilallobos playing to the masses that visit the beautiful island of Mykonos every year. Cavo Paradiso return for their yearly city stint in the big London smoke. Last year’s came with a treasured four hour back-to-back UK exclusive set by Matthias Tanzmann & Davide Squillace in celebration of Cavo Paradiso’s prestigious album compilation series which is now in its eleventh year. The 2011 episode has been lovingly created by Circo Loco legend and underground pioneer, Davide Squillace and is due for global release in July.  For this event a carefully thought out and tailored line-up with Rhadoo, Petre Inspirescu, Grecian musical mastermind Alex Celler and 13 year Cavo Paradiso resident, Stathis Lazarides, is being brought to London to showcase a more intimate and relaxed Cavo Paradiso vibe alongside a way to open the season’s doors, celebrate a new age of Cavo Paradiso in London and of course, not break tradition… We have x2 tickets for you and a guest up for grabs.. To enter and win tickets mail names to:  melissa@plainandsimple.tv

East Project presents Richy Ahmed

After a hugely succesful and fun night at The Workshop back in March, East Project are back at new venue, The Camp. The music policy remains the same: all things Deep/Tech, House, Techno and Disco!! For their next up and coming date on Fri 10th June, they are very excited to announce that their special guest on the night will be RICHY AHMED! (Hot natured/Crosstown Rebels) We have x2 tickets for you and a guest up for grabs..! To enter and win answer the following question…

who does Richy hold a resident dj slot with?

mail answers to:  melissa@plainandsimple.tv

Win a copy of new Jackmaster CD from fabric

Jackmaster brings a taste of the fast, frantic and intense nature of the Numbers dancefloor to the FABRICLIVE series. Dubstep, Detroit techno, booty bass, classic house and garage are just some of the subjects on his quickfire syllabus. Shunning the established music production line to fame and fortune, Jackmaster lets his energetic and eclectic DJing do all the talking on FABRICLIVE 57, cramming 29 tracks, from 4 decades, into 71 unrelenting minutes – so hold tight and enjoy the ride!

To win a copy of the new Jackmaster CD – no 57 in the excellent compilation series from our friends at fabric, answer this simple question and send your answer through our contact page: To enter and win tickets answer the following question… What is the name of Jackmaster’s mail answers to:  melissa@plainandsimple.tv

FRIDAY 3RD JUNE

1. DIESEL ISLAND DISCO @ ISLINGTON METAL WORKS W/ GOLDIE, AEROPLANE, PUNKS JUMP UP + MORE: As part of the ‘Diesel School Of Island Life’ series (which is happening/happened over a series of days, times & venues, and which, can I just mention, included a DIY taxidermy course on Tuesday!!) tonight they are *gasp* throwing a free party with *gasp* free booze all night long courtesy of Kopparberg, Oranjeboom & Havana Club.  Credit crunching-tastic!, If all this wasn’t enough to tempt you off the sofa wait until you hear the line up!  Goldie, Aeroplane, Kitsuné’s Punks Jump Up, the Kill Em All DJs, Firas & Jay Karim, EEK Empire & ZTG and more! *GASP*
2. BEYOND THE CLOUDS FEAT LIL LOUIS AND MOVE D AT CORSICA STUDIOS: Beyond The Clouds , a joint project by Corsica Studios, Süd Electronic, Bodyhammer and TOTHEBONE, returns this evening with none other than Chicago’s Lil Louis plus support from Move D and Juju & Jordash.  BTC is a series of fantasy dance nights celebrating the earliest, rawest incarnation of house music and as the guys say “featuring line-ups we’ve dreamed of for years” expect house, techno and disco mixed hard and fast for your dancing pleasure from Louis. And the 1st UK airing of an extra special live project from Move D and Juju & Jordash… A totally improvised, hardware-only acid jam session made and played on the machines you love. They’ve only done this once before – at a festival last summer in Amsterdam.  Hometown support comes from BTC residents – Lakuti, Joe Hart, Rik Moran and Charlie & Dave TTB.
3. DETAIL WITH ADAM SHELTON & RUSS YALLOP AT BASING HOUSE: Detail is back this Friday with their monthly residency launch at the newly refurbished Basing House. With its exposed brickwork style decor, outside terrace the venue sounds perfect for a Detail party and they say that they cannot wait to show you around their new home! On the line up for this special launch party is 2020 Vision and One Records’ Adam Shelton and Crosstown Rebels very own Russ Yallop.  These guys willn doubt sound great on Basing‘s Funktion One Sound system! Joining them as always will be Detail’s very own badboy, Oli Forster.
4. DUB POLICE AT FABRIC: Fabric’s ever fantastic Friday night lineups continue this week with Caspa’s Dub Police taking over room one.  Expect a heavy one as the dubstep maestro is joined by the mighty David Rodigan, plus Trolley Snatcha, Subscape, Kutz, Flatline and plenty more. Over in room two Fabio, Grooverider, Ed Rush, Icicle, Loxy, Storm and more will be bringing the the jungle, basslines and rrrrrrrrrrrrrewinds. Lastly in Room 3 Baobinga launches his latest CD and is also joined by Hyetal, Scratcha DVA and more.
   
5. COCONUT RITZ WITH GILES SMITH AT MOUSTACHE BAR: Their previous parties have seen the likes of  Geddes, Lee Foss, Sascha Dive and Till Von Sein to name a few gracing their decks. Re-opening their coconut wings at the small, quirky and beautifully formed Moustache Bar in Dalston, this time round  it’ll be a much more summery, intimate and fun temper.  On this tip the party will be FREE and they open with legendary Secretsundaze’s founder and resident Giles Smith. Joining Giles will be Rhythmatic’s resident Wesley Razzy and Coconut Ritz’s own Ryan Winters.

Other cracking nights tonight:  Ecstasy, Passion and Pain | The Reggae Revolution | Disco & Co vs N.O.N Music Loft Party at The Horse & Groom |  Nice Up! 8th Birthday Banger – Part One at The Jazz Cafe |  Balance with Kankick at Plastic People | Affinity // Negligee at Living Bar |  Andy Smith’s Jam Up Twist at The Book Club |  Big Fun! |  Unknown to the Unknown

photos by: icanteachyouhowtodoit

SATURDAY 4TH JUNE

1. FLYING CIRCUS LONDON WITH AUDIOFLY & LEE CURTISS AT ISLINGTON METAL WORKS: Created almost randomly at the Miami WMC 2007 by Audiofly (Luca Saporito and Anthony Middleton), Flying Circus has quickly become one of the party’s highlights.  During the last 3 years the brand has increased its popularity to one of the most demanded new brands in electronic music worldwide, with regular events yearly held in Miami, Lima, Barcelona, New York, Panama, Mexico City, Moscow and Sydney just to mention a few. Following this increasing success, a world tour seemed almost inevitable for 2011… This Saturday they head to London for the first time for a special one-off party. The lineup of course includes Audiofly themselves,  Visionquest man and Detroit resident, Lee Curtiss, plus Hugo, London fave Geddes, Carola Pisaturo and more cosmopolitan names onto the decks for a deep disco-tech, hypnotic house and techno-flecked sweatdown.
2. PROLOGUE WITH RED ROBIN AT THE CAMP (CITY ARTS & MUSIC PROJECT): Prologue has been running in old London taaan now for as long as I can remember, and still consistently churn out great nights in venues across the capital.  This time round they didn’t ‘alf make me sit up when I saw who they’d booked! Sorry to be negative but when compiling the blog this week I noticed that Saturday night was chock FULL of same old same line ups – same names, same places, same labels and same boring boring *yawn* very few original line ups… Then in the midst of it – Prologue appears with RED ROBIN from Berlin’s Bar 25… Fantastic booking guys! (I still play his Snap Dragon track to this day) This Saturday they go back to basics at the raw, industrial-styled club which is CAMP alongside Red Robin is resident Paul Louth, XI and Kristopher Hall.
3. THRONE OF BLOOD @ THE SHACKLEWELL ARMS: New York’s Throne of Blood label is home to a host of musical genres and this night  at the revamped  Shacklewell Arms in Dalston will showcase them all…  From house, techno, electro-pop to synth there will be something for everybody. The noise will be brought by some of its new acts Bicep and Populette, DJ faves Mugwump aka Geoffroy and international friends & weasel fave May Playford.
4. HOLIC PRESENTS TITTLE TATTLE AT CARGO: Holic’s monthly sister party “Tittle Tattle” returns to Cargo this Saturday night and this is one not to be missed! Ease the Squeeze will be bringing deep house vibes alongside Hideo Kobayashi, a special guest DJ from Japan; Hideo is probably the best producer for Japan’s house music at moment and its a rarity to have him play in Europe so I repeat – this is one not to be missed! Joining the line up of course will be resident Tomoki Tamura playing all that is good about house music – from deep and melodic early on to more disco-tech sounds later.
5. MAN MAKE MUSIC: Over at the Star of Bethnal Green, MakeMakeMusic welcome Berlin’s Tony Lionni as their June headliner. Best known for his 2009 track ‘Found A Place’.(Ostgut Tontrage). The MMM predict high odds that his Detroit-tinged sound will tear the Star’s roof off. Warming up for Tony will be the MMM ressies and they are pleased to announce that a late licence is in place this month… Hurrah!

Other cracking nights tonight:  Bad Apple Boat Party |  Kai-Zen with Jamie Anderson at Public Life |  Breakin Science 9th Birthday at Coronet | Nice Up! 8th Birthday Banger – Part Two at The Big Chill | Superfreq E’Special at Paramount | Weekend Circuit with Marc Antona Live + Special Guests at East Village | Gouranga Glade Preview feat Miguel Campbell + Tim Sheridan + Mam + Outcross Records Showcase at Papermill | Art Department at fabric | Hypercolour Showcase with Dan Berkson & James What? at The Nest | Gabbi at Cafe 1001 | Studio presents w/ Norman Jay

photos by: icanteachyouhowtodoit

SUNDAY 5TH JUNE

1. T.S.V. PRES. MUAK MUSIC MEETS SOSHO REUNION WITH 3 SECRET GUESTS, STUART PATTERSON ++ AT VIBE BAR: This Sun daytime through until night, TSV bring you the first in a series of monthly parties that will take over the whole of the Vibe building, studios and courtyard on Brick Lane… Sound quality is of critical importance at these shindigs and with this in mind, TSV will once again be hiring in the Funktion One sound to power each of the three spaces! *BOOM BOOM* The ground floor room is hosted by house collective, MUAK, who welcome along 2 very special guests (who cannot be revealed until on the day.. ‘Sitin’!!!) Faith’s Stuart Patterson and MUAK ressie Zaki… Upstairs, studio one goes down the nostalgic route welcoming 3 of the residents from the  debauched Sunday parties de-jour that were held at the wonderful and sorely missed Sosho venue  (oh how we miss those Sunday nights!) Jb, Nils Hess and Anto created many musical memories (and Monday morning sick notes) so they return for another Sunday outing alongside a surprise guest… In white studio space, the Italians return for an intimate and electrifying session feat Danny DG, Salvo Buonocore and Eddy Kruger… The courtyard will be in action too containing laid back Sunday vibes, food stalls and some other pop up installations… Absolutely bloody perfect!
2. MOVIMENTO AFTERHOURS 1ST B-DAY PARTY AT CLUB AQUARIUM: Hurrah! Shoreditch’s afterhours Movimento is 1 year old this Sunday… Happy Birthday guys! They will be celebrating with an almighty bang AND an a mother of a line up…! Over in the main room is Martin Dawson AKA King Roc (Get physical, Cocoon, Crosstown rebels, 2020 Vision rec.), Glimpse  (Cocoon, Kompakt, Crosstown rebels, Cadenza rec) and these aural beauties will be joined by the marvellous Virustage (Francesco Poggi, Fabiano Binaglia) and Joseph DL.  If this wasn’t enough over in the back room they have special guests galore! As its such a special one the guys tell you to expect a morning of very special treats and surprises! *squeal”.  Being at Aquarium the pool will of course be open – if you are feeling brave enough (LOL never have at that time in the morning myself!!) then bring yer swimmers and have a bday dip!
3. GET DIVERTED TERRACE PARTY WITH MR C AT BRIXTON CLUBHOUSE: Get Diverted’s last terrace party saw 2000 people party at the newly refurbished (and renamed) Brixton Clubhouse (formally Dex). Sunday June 5th see’s the start of their highly anticipated monthly residency.  This time round with Mr C topping the bill its bound to be ram jam thank you mam once again so get a ticket or get there early! Also on the line up will be Raymundo Rodriguez, Mark Storie, Mister Shiver, Rob Alldritt, Elijah Collins, Samantha Blackburn + more!
4. WETYOURSELF WITH MARCO RESMANN AT FABRIC: Just barely giving you all time to recover from their  massive three-room bank holiday bonanza, WYS resident DJs Cormac, Peter Pixzel, Jacob Husley return (just in room one this time) with some great guests at their polysexual late-night (or early morn however you see it!) Sunday bash. This week’s guests are with Marco Ressman and Tred Benedict.
5. KILL EM ALL: The disco tykes who take over Clerkenwell’s Fabric from time to time, (headed up by electro outfit Filthy Dukes), present a scaled down (but still as rockin’) bi-monthly Sunday takeover at this hip Camden boozer, expect sets from the Dukes themselves, Stopmakingme and 2-step teenagers Disclosure (live) smoothing out your hangover… Or maybe kick starting some fresh ones for Monday!

Other nights to watch out for this Sunday: Jaded Hosts Gouranga Afterparty at Cable London | Leading Astray’s Ark W\ Nisekay, Elek-Fun & Jos Vogel at Boat – The Dutch Master | Relations at The Brickhouse | Defused @ CARGO